Guiding your child

 

I felt it fitting only to describe now what it is actually like to have a child, since you can only get benefits of your child being born if you are actually taking care of your child! The fact is, everyone who is a parent knows that it is a full time job. I have a friend who is a Carpet Cleaner in the Merton area who completely agrees. But it goes so much further than that, since you aren’t just working as a parent. You are responsible for another human being and another life. The way you raise your child, even the smallest events can make a severe difference in your children’s outlook towards life and who they become. Many people do not believe that is the case, but quite frankly it is. I’ll give some examples here to what I am saying.

 

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When I was a small child, I believe I was around 1 or 2 years old, I remember my father and mother taking me along black wall bridge as a child in a push chair. It is such a small memory to have, but it was nice to remember my parents being together and for us to be a complete family, especially as the youngest child. Then I remember from when I was around 2 and 1/2 years old, and I was watching my dad play video games, specifically phantasy star. He was really engrossed in the game, but then he would start to cook food for us while he was in the middle of playing. It was another nice memory I have as a child since it was good to remember my father being there. Another memory involving my father was him being up at 3am playing games waiting for my mother to come home from one of her nights out, which happened so frequently. It happened so frequently that when I was 3 I remember them arguing about it quite a lot. Then, the next memories I have up until the age of roughly 7 were all of my parents arguing and splitting up, with me and my mother moving out first, and the family mixing up a lot of times. It was sad, and I remember how much pain and sadness there was in the family even though I was just a child, and they are the only memories that have stuck with my from when I was a child. It was horrible for me looking back on it, and I don’t consider myself to have had a good childhood. But I said to myself when I became a parent, I will never allow my children to have those same memories of me and my partner, because there really is nothing sadder then feeling like you are a piece of an incomplete family. To this day it makes me unhappy.

So that is why I said to myself that my children will have the happiest possible lives. Every day I make sure that these simple things are done, and I consider myself to be an average parent.

Never ague in front of the children, since this is the absolute worst thing you cannot do and your children will remember these events more than others if it becomes commonplace.

Always ensure that everything your children need from food (bottles as a baby all the way to dinner at 7PM as a 7 year old) to their favourite toys and even a special blanket or teddy bear that they might need during the day and night.

In some way, shape or form no matter how I feel or how tired I am, I show my children how much I love them and how happy I am to have them in my lives, and try to show them why they should be happy to have us as parents.

Always make sure that they are happy, and if they aren’t, really listen and find out why.

Make sure that the children only ever see me or my partner when we are in a positive mood, since I think that children really sense that and it makes a huge difference.

This is just based on my personal memories and viewpoints, but those memories I have as a child really defined me, and I know that the small things I do go a long way to make my children happier.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Benefits of Children part 2

I spoke about this at first yesterday but this is a subject that I am very interested in and I’m sure others will be too. So here is the rest that I have yet to speak about!

Improvement in Health

I have found that parents keep a much better eye on their health than they did before they became parents. I even do it myself. Truthfully it is because I realised once I was responsible for taking care of another, I needed to take care of myself. I found that I ended up eating a lot healthier and going to the gym more just because I felt I needed to be a better example, but I also want to see my child grow up and have kids of their own. I also feel better psychologically, but overall I just feel better physically and I am not the only parent to experience this.

You will learn more about yourself

For the first 20 odd years of my life I had a sense of not truly knowing who I was, but for the most part I felt like I did know what I liked and what I didn’t, etc. but when I became a parent I realised that I learnt more about myself than I realised. I have become more patient and at the same time have become more in loving to others. I have experienced new things that I realise what I hate as much as what I have suddenly realised I love. I have found a part of myself that I felt didn’t exist, and I have discovered who I am and what I really love; my family and my work.

An increase in your self esteem

There is something quite odd that you realise how much of a self-esteem increase you will get from being a parent at times. When your children call you the best parent in the world, or when they look up to you as if you are the greatest thing in the world and are their hero, it is just the most amazing thing in the world. There is absolutely nothing as amazing for you as hearing those words or seeing that face on your kid and knowing that they truly believe it. It also helps when you can jokingly use it against your partner! The truth is that you become the main figure in your children’s life and in a way your children become the main thing in your life, so although you have to give up so much for your family and to make a true commitment to them, you realise quickly that the rewards are enormous. You can see the positive affects you have on your children, and there is a sense of success as a parent. It truly is amazing.

Permission to act like a child

The fact is you can act like a child again once you have children. If you start playing video games or playing with toys no one can really look at you strangely. You can go to Disneyworld and no one will look at you like you are crazy. You can play football in your socks in the park and you can even just sit around watching cartoons. Quite frankly it’s great!

You laugh more than you think

Now I think we all know kids aren’t exactly stand-up comedians. I don’t mean they will come and tell you hilarious and funny jokes that you will have never heard of before. In fact, some of them are just completely ridiculous.  But you will laugh for hours about some of the things they say and do. It’s hard to describe until you see it.

The love you feel

The fact is, once you are so close to someone and you have someone that relies upon you in life, then you realise that you are experiencing a type of love you never would have otherwise. It isn’t always this way, as sometimes they will actually hate you. Overall, it is definitely worth it.

Benefits of Children part 1:

Although this blog is called baby’s birth benefits, we haven’t actually spoken too much about the benefits of having children. There are obviously a lot of benefits from the government financially, but that’s not quite what we mean! The fact is there are actually quite a lot, and I know that many people reading this blog are still trying to decide whether they want to have children or not. The fact is, you can look at it in two ways: it’s hard but it is worth it, and it’s definitely very expensive to actually raise children but it’s a lifetime of happiness for you. I have a friend who’s a parent that works at Asbestosafe and we agree on these tips too. So let’s discuss some of the benefits that you actually gain from having a child!

From a couple to a family

If you have a partner who you really feel is a life partner and can envision spending the rest of your life with, there really is no closer bond. I became a parent at 27, and although my child wasn’t planned, I can say that I don’t feel that I could have been as happy as I am if it wasn’t for becoming a parent. That, and me and my partner are both closer to each other than we have ever been and could have imagined.

You become unselfish

Even if you’re a working professional, the fact is becoming a parent is a 24/7 job for at least 18 years these days. It is almost like having a cat, if you had to take the cat everywhere and watch it for every godly hour of the day and night. You become what is best described as a servant to your child, because you realise that you need to put the needs of your children first. What you will notice however, is when you are serving your child is when you feel the love the most.

Children make you happier

There is a truth to the fact that children can actually enrich your life. They have an approach and viewpoint to life that is filled with wonder and innocence that is so much different to us as adults day to day that it is actually quite amazing. Everything is new and different to them and every so often you can experience that wonder through their own eyes. I think there is a truth to the fact that while parents originally moan about the lack of freedom that you have as a parent day to day (I definitely did), after a while I realised and you will realise too that being a parent actually allows you to have a richer and fuller life altogether. I experienced a difference in viewpoints and mentally I started feeling much better about everything, and I think that is something that you can only really do as a parent.

Children can teach you

I studied business at school and for the most part especially when it comes to work and learning, I still apply the same techniques I used when I was at school. But the fact is that when I had a child I learnt so much that I didn’t realise I could. I learnt discipline and hard work to an extremity that I never realised was possible (as evidence in my last blog post) and I found it to be an eye opener. I also learnt how to actually apply what I learnt from my child and what I learnt about being a parent much better than I could have otherwise. Just as I learnt how to apply what I could use as a parent when I was at work. I experienced their development as a child and the weirdest thing I was able to learn is new little facts I wouldn’t have otherwise. My children will name dinosaurs I had not even heard of, they would teach me why the sky is actually blue and even teach my history I was completely unaware of. The fact is, it’s actually really cool!

I will have to leave you here but I will follow this up tomorrow!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Planning

I know this is more of a pregnancy type of post, but when your partner or you are pregnant, the best thing you can do for your professional and personal life once the child comes is to plan and prepare. I know this seems like a very obvious thing to say, but you don’t realise just yet how much your life will change once you have a child, nor do many people really properly plan or prepare how their life will change day to day. That’s why it is important to ensure that you are able to properly prepare and plan the changes once you know what is to come, so I would like to make this post about ways you can make those changes and properly prepare.

I spoke at length about this on my previous blog post but I will summarize what I have previously posted and how you can prepare. Once you have a child your professional life will change immensely for a variety of reasons. It is not just the lack of sleep which will affect your professional life, but a lack of momentum and motivation in the earlier months that will hinder you more than most. The issue that you will have is just finding the time and the focus to actually complete your work, but there is a way that you can prepare for this in a way that I wish I had known about beforehand. It seems that the biggest obstacle that crops up once working after having a child is that you cannot seem to focus on the work at hand because you are more focused on your personal issues. This means that you cannot make the most of the time that you have on your hands day to day and deadlines seem to creep up on you with speed. So the advice I will give you for balancing your personal life with your professional life before the child comes is this:

Day to day, break up your working time in increments of half an hour and focus those increments on the most important tasks first. Once the biggest and most important tasks are out of the way, you will have time to speed through the smaller ones. The quicker you get into this pattern the better, since you will find that work WILL come secondary to the family for the first six months. Allowing you to be the most efficient as possible as soon as possible will put you into the habit of being able to tackle this issue before the child is even born, which will stop you from falling behind and may even put you in good stead to your bosses!

I would also suggest of doing the opposite of what some say, and get as much sleep as possible before the child comes. Although it is good to learn how to actually be awake and alert if only sleeping for an hour, I find tablets such as vitamins and ZMA’s before you fall asleep will give you the exact same effects. They can help you stay awake for at least a few hours more than you would otherwise, and are really good for your health anyway.

Going to classes and learning how to be a parent are good for preparation also, but half of being a parent in the first few years is about balancing your personal and professional life. This is the main thing you can do as the main provider of the home, and would ease most of the financial burdens on the home. Ensuring that you can do the best possible job of this will relieve you of stresses that you would definitely not need in your life at the time as well. I would also suggest that you try to get as much work out of the way as possible before the child comes also. This will help ease the stress and burden that will be caused from the child coming, because it will feel like an increase of workload even if it won’t be.

Kids and work

From something I mentioned in my last post, one of the things that people do not realize about having kids is that for the majority of companies, paternal time off is non-existent. Maternity leave has recently become the norm, with some companies allowing up to a year off. However for men, it is very difficult to actually find a company that will give the father time off. That is why especially in the first 6 months, it is very difficult to actually get any work done. Now there is the obvious reason that a child keeps you up and to be honest keeps you very distracted, but there are a number of reasons that extend beyond a lack of sleep that stops you from actually getting work done day to day. There are a number of issues like actually trying to balance the working and personal life, but also the lack of motivation that a lot of people experience once the child is actually born.

For whatever reason I personally experienced a huge lack of motivation and focus after my child was born because I was so distracted by what was going on at home. I also just felt as if my life priorities changed temporarily which can really put you out of the working zone for the first few months especially. There were a number of times throughout the first few months that I had a deadline to complete that I couldn’t focus on or try to organize my time correctly to do it efficiently. I just couldn’t find myself getting those deadlines done in time without staying up at late nights right before it was actually supposed to be done. It sounds ridiculous because this wasn’t actually because of the kids taking up all of my time. It was because I felt I had to focus on my family for the first few months and support my partner as well as make sure that the kids were taken care of as well. I felt as if work could and should come second even though it actually allowed us to be in such a position to have kids and actually feed them.

I also found myself not even being able to concentrate on the simplest of tasks day to day because of a lack of motivation. I once had a week to write 2000 words, and somehow managed to delay the whole process to only getting it done on the weekend. The problem is, is that it realistically takes about 2 hours of actually concentrating to get that done, but I just couldn’t bring myself to actually sit down and focus. I remember looking back on it that I was thinking about a hundred and one other things at the time instead like if the kids are asleep, and if they aren’t asleep do they need feeding, or does my partner need anything and should I check up on her. These little thoughts that while obviously important ended up fogging my mind day to day and actually prevented me from doing any work.

The truth is though that upon reflection I have realized that none of that was about the kids being that much of a nuisance or my partner being incapable. It was about myself, and not being able to process having kids and my life changing so such a large extent in such a short space of time. I don’t think I properly prepared myself for the challenge ahead and it is actually pretty ridiculous that I wasn’t fired for being so lazy. But in a way it also gave me a new look and perspective on my professional life and how to balance it with my working life. It also made me realise that I actually need to be more of a self-motivator since you do not have anyone to hold your hand throughout your working day. You need to ensure that while you also prioritise your family, your professional life should actually come first during 9AM – 5PM because that is actually what allows you the freedom to have children.

Where do I start?

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That is pretty much the first question that I had when I both found out that I was actually having kids, and then when they were born. Quite frankly it’s not just something that you can instantly know how to do. Being a parent is difficult, and even though everyone loves to be the “first person” to tell you that – almost with some kind of glee and I’m sure misery loves company type of deal – the fact is you just pretend to listen to them. You might even think you know better, especially considering the actual person who is telling you this. But yeah, having a child and being a new parent is hard. It’s hard whether you are just working a ordinary job and it’s hard if you have your own business.

The fact is you really don’t have time to be a proper parent if you have your own business or focus on your own business, just as if you are a new parent you cannot be a complete businessman. There are actually so many things that you are restricted to as a new parent. As someone who loves to travel, I discovered pretty quickly that I can kiss that goodbye. I would have more luck teleporting to a country that I want to be in than I would to actually go to one of them. Most things become something that you used to enjoy into something that is almost a blessing to do just for a minute. At times the things you used to enjoy can actually become a chore in itself. But at the end of the day being a parent means that you have to make sacrifices for a little while. It’s when those sacrifices start to affect you and your finances, especially finances for your family you have to actually make some priorities. That is why it is important that once you become a parent for the first time you don’t lost all focus or priorities inside of your life.

I mentioned earlier that I own my own business and the fact is I do find it difficult personally to balance my family life with my professional life now that I have become a first time parent. I still have a lot to learn about becoming a parent, but I also have a lot to learn about becoming a successful professional too. The benefit of being a parent while having my own business does mean that I get to pick my own working hours. This really helps me become the best parent I can be right now, especially since I was really excited to actually become one. I am really fortunate as well, since most new parents do not get to spend as much time as they would probably like at home for the first few years. That’s exactly why instead of just focusing on the negatives of what is going on currently, I’m just enjoying the time that I actually have as well as the actual ability of being able to spend time with my family.

I’m not really going to spend this blog post talking about what has been going on already since to be honest, if I did it in one blog post then I wouldn’t really be a blog! But I would like to say in this blog post that I am noticing a few small changes in my life that I really didn’t realise beforehand will happen. Some things have really been a shock and some things haven’t. For example, even though I knew not to expect much if any sleep, I wasn’t at all sure of how little sleep I would be getting and how that would affect my professional life. I have found that I can’t really do any work that I used to be able to do as efficiently, and have specifically started taking multivitamins just to help. Small things like this I will be a bit more expansive on later, but thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next post!